People living with brain injury face a variety of challenges. But for many survivors, one of the most frustrating things they deal with is a lack of understanding from family and friends.

Because brain injury is a hidden disability that most people misunderstand, TBI survivors often face well-meaning comments from strangers and even loved ones that sometimes only make things worse.

To remedy this problem, today’s article will offer helpful tips on how to talk to a person with a brain injury. We’ll start with what not to say.

How Not to Talk to a Person with Brain Injury

The most important thing to remember when talking to a person with a brain injury is that they are still people. Even if they seem different from before their injury, even if they talk a little slower or have trouble following a conversation, they are still the same person.

One of the most frequent complaints TBI patients have is how differently people treat them after their injury. Too many people talk to survivors as if they are fragile or address them as if they are children. This can come across as demeaning.

Traumatic brain injury survivors are exactly that: survivors! Many wish to be treated exactly as they were treated before injury, and you will be appreciated for doing so. If you are meeting a survivor for the first time, then address them as you would any other person. You might need to adjust some things, but if they are an adult, treat them like an adult.

This is just some general advice on how to talk to a person with a brain injury. The following are a few examples of things you might accidentally say that are probably not helpful:

Do NOT say, “Let me do that for you.”

As tempting as it is to want to help your loved one, doing everything for them can set back their recovery. In addition, brain injury patients have already lost most of their independence, which can contribute to depression. Encouraging them to do some things on their own can increase their self-esteem and possibly speed up their recovery.

Do NOT say, “You need to be more active.”

Apathy and lack of motivation are common side effects of brain injury. Therefore, even if your loved one seems like they are just being lazy, they really aren’t. They have just lost the ability to start an activity.

Staying active is crucial to promote a good recovery from brain injury. However, because their lack of motivation is a cognitive deficit, it won’t do any good to simply tell the person to get off the couch.

As an alternative, try to gently encourage them to practice their therapy exercises. Sometimes offering them a concrete reward in return can give them the external motivation they need to get started.

Do NOT say, “Don’t worry, I forget things all the time too.”

While you naturally will want to comfort your loved one when they experience memory loss, it is not usually helpful to draw a comparison to your own problems. The differences between normal forgetfulness and memory problems after brain injury are significant. Even with good intentions, comparing the two can come across as patronizing to the person with a brain injury.

Instead, try to say something like, “I can’t imagine what that must be like. Let’s see if we can come up with ways to help you remember more in the future.” This can help you seem more understanding and less dismissive of their difficulties.

Do NOT say, “You look fine, why don’t you feel back to normal yet?”

Many people with brain injuries can look and seem normal, yet still deal with the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral effects of brain injury. That is why TBI is often known as an invisible disability.

In fact, most brain injury patients struggle to accept that their problems are valid because there is no physical proof of their injury. They might worry that their problems are “all in their head.”

Therefore, when talking to someone with brain injury, try not to make the person feel bad if they still struggle to remember things or if they talk or think a little slower. Instead, be as compassionate and patient as possible. That can often make all the difference in the world.

How to Talk to Someone With Brain Injury with Empathy and Compassion

Now that we’ve looked at some things you should not say to a person with brain injury, let’s discuss some positive things you can do. With enough insight and empathy, you can have a great conversation and help someone with brain injury feel understood.

Here are some tips to help you talk to someone with brain injury and have a positive interaction:

DO: Stay on one topic at a time

A brain injury can cause some cognitive effects that make it more difficult to follow conversations. Therefore it’s best not to jump back and forth between topics. If you want to change the subject, let them know by clearly communicating the transition. This is especially helpful if the person is overcoming executive dysfunction, a condition than can cause cognitive difficulties like impaired attention or memory.

DO: Make sure they are comfortable

If you want to have an extended conversation, make sure the person is sitting down so they can pay attention without spending too much energy. Many of the effects of a TBI can interfere with mobility, and this can cause survivors to expend more energy during daily activities. Sitting down while having a conversation will be more comfortable than walking or standing. It will also allow the person to focus more on what you are saying.

DO: Limit background noise and distractions

After a brain injury, a survivor is more sensitive to stimuli in the environment. In fact, too much stimulation can lead to or worsen cognitive fatigue as the brain works overtime to both heal itself and process the extra stimuli. By limiting background noise, you help make it easier for the brain injury survivor to focus on conversation.

DO: Give them time to respond

It can take a person with brain injury longer to respond to conversation if they are still recovering cognitive function. Be patient and avoid putting words into the person’s mouth. Just as doing too much for a survivor can set back their recovery, finding their words for them can also set back their cognitive recovery.

Also, keep in mind that the person may know exactly what they want to say but may just struggle with finding the words. This is known as expressive aphasia, and it can be frustrating for the survivor. Be compassionate of this struggle and give the person plenty of time to hunt for just the right words.

DO: Include them

Some TBI survivors feel hesitant to join a conversation on their own. Language difficulties like aphasia or cognitive challenges like attention problems can cause survivors to shy away from group conversation. To help a survivor feel more comfortable, you can invite them to join a conversation to help remove the burden of initiation.

Great Conversation After Brain Injury

Talking to someone with a brain injury can feel intimidating at first. You may be worried about what to say or about accidentally offending them. While there are a few things you should try to avoid saying, for the most part, talking to someone with a brain injury is the same as talking to any other person.

It helps to keep some of the effects of a TBI in mind, such as any language or cognitive difficulties that can make conversation more challenging. By taking extra steps like limiting background noise and giving the person plenty of time to respond, you can make TBI survivors extra comfortable when having a conversation.

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